Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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