your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
