I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
