Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
