If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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