Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
