I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
