I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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