YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
