and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
