I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had to cum in my sink.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
