don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
