What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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