We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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