**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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