She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
