this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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