Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
