I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
