I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you made out with another girl for some wings
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
