Someone shit on the floor
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
