Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
