her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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