Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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