I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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