her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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