I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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