Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
