What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
false alarm. still invincible.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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