Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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