Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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