We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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