i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
