Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
