I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
