FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
