I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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