at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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