Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
