It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
