Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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