I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Actions speak louder than pants.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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