I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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