I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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