No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
