two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
