i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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