I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
