"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
