We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
